I have spent most of the week in a fluctuating state of irritation with my daughter. It is not really a severe irritability, but rather the quiet kind, the irritability that lurks around and then sidles up when moments become frustrating. She seems irritated with me, too, and then we stand in the kitchen looking at each other: she with tears falling down her cheeks and I with an expression of helplessness. I love her so much, but there are just those moments when I don't feel like dealing with her or cleaning up after her or talking to her. I wish I could be sent to my own time-out in a quiet corner...one where I could be left alone for just a few minutes....to process the ugliness of my attitude and to pray for patience and forgiveness. But I can't even get alone time in the toilet...those days are far away for me.
It's much harder, too, when Josh is not in my day. Huntleigh needs those moments as much as I do...it's very apparent to both of us. But tonight I tried something that I must not do very often because I was surprised at its effectiveness. Just at bathtime, alone, Hunts and I had about three moments that could have been explosive. Instead of giving in to irritability, I prayed very quickly and earnestly for patience. And I discovered that in that moment, the Lord met me precisely where I needed to be and I was able to treat H with patience and graciousness. I know that for many of my readers this thought may be very simple, but it struck a chord with me tonight in a very new and fresh way. I admittedly, have become very lazy about prayer and I see how this has begun to take a toll on me.
I know there are moms out there who must feel like I do at times and I would be grateful for words of wisdom, if you have some to share. I think it is a great encouragement to share our stories. Alyssa, Shannon, Erin, Lisa, Jd, Holly, Danielle...thank you for how your words often encourage and strengthen me as a mom.
3 comments:
You encourage me so much too! Thanks for your reminder to pray- so simple, but yet so profound and easily forgotten in my life too. Smooch! And thanks again for yesterday- what a joy that was!
Shan
i don't know that i have any encouraging words for you, but i hope that you find encouragement in at least knowing that you are not alone in your trials! thank you for your honest comments, i can 100% relate to your experiences and feelings. thank you also for such an amazing reminder to stop and pray instead of reacting - easier said than done! you are doing an amazing job and you have a beautiful girl!
Love your honesty Sarah. I think as moms we have to be honest like this 1) to challenge each other to turn to Christ in these situations and 2) to know we're normal...sinners just like everyone else...in need of God's grace and forgiveness. I think the thing that has challenged me lately in motherhood and wifehood is the expectation-experience gap (this term is from the book I've been reading...not my own idea). I always have expectations of a little alone time, having a conversation with husband without noise or interruption, getting dinner done, e-mailing without interruption, etc. yet my kids don't always comply. So it's taking those moments to stop and see what God is teaching me in that moment...whether it's learning patience for myself or teaching my children a lesson on obedience instead of getting mad at them. It's so easy for me to get caught up in my own agenda and then get mad when my agenda is thwarted...and like you said prayer can bring us to that point of obedience to God and how he's called us to be as moms and wives.
What a great reminder...I think I need to tape it to my forehead. :o)
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