Monday, November 10, 2008

traveling through

So we did it. We made it to Florida as a group of three: two kiddos and one adult. This one was great. All she needed was a Charlie and Lola dvd and she was set.

This one, however, took a bit more work. She’s a tummy sleeper, so it’s kind of tricky for her to fall asleep on her back. But when I discovered that Ami was of some solace to her, I let her pull out Ami’s stuffing to her heart’s content. She fell asleep with that stuffing all over her.

The truth is that today my heart feels a lot like Ami’s face. It’s a big, open wound in need of mending. It’s disjointed, disheveled, exposed and spilling out all over the place. Today my brother got divorced, and even though I flew several hundred miles south away from everything, I haven’t escaped how my heart feels. Josh is flying to China while we’re gone and even if I flew those thousands of miles there with him, drove to the northernmost edge of Mongolia, dug a 52,403-foot hole and crawled down into it, I still could look down to see this dull blade sticking out of my chest. What has happened has pained me deeply, more than my words can convey, and the healing process is a long and uphill journey. I can only imagine that his former wife feels much the same way, yet even more so. Please pray for her. Nothing, save the coming of the Lion of Judah, will be able to restore my heart in this area until I go home to be with Jesus. I am grateful to the Lord for my children, who have brought me such immense joy throughout this time of pain. Watching them grow next to one another has given me much light in a time of deep darkness. And laughter with them has been the best salve for my heart. I covet your prayers, if you are the praying kind.


Melanie said...

I'm sending prayers your way. It greives me much, too, and I am fairly removed from it. I hope that God will meet you in the darkness and show you His face.

Anonymous said...

Sweet Pea,

We love you SO much.Your words are powerful and heart wrenching. We wish we could take away the pain.We are praying for you and that you will rest in Him. Kisses and hugs to you and Hunts & Lulu.
Pray for us too. I would like the pain to stop also.
Love, your mum & dad

Anonymous said...

So I'm delurking officially for a post like this. (My friend Ellie told me about our mutual friend Alyssa's blog, which led me to your blog.) You and your whole family have been on my heart this past year through all of this, and you are in my prayers. I am so very sorry and sad that this is a burden you are carrying, and I keep on praying that the One who loves us most does a miracle somehow. Every time I wish that I could just take away the pain you all are going through, I have to just take it to Jesus and ask Him to do what I cannot.

I do have to say that your words some months ago on the work communication in marriage takes have echoed in my brain and help me continually determine to do just that. Your dad married us a couple years ago, and I want for our marriage to honor not only God but your dad's gift to us of his heart and wisdom.

Anyway, know that you are in my prayers as you wrestle through this tough time. And I hope you don't mind that I visit your blog from time to time.

~ Sara

The Lloyds Five said...

My heart is heavy with you, I am so sorry.

danielle said...

i am SO sorry. i will pray for you.

Tammy said...

Know you and your family are being prayed for. Divorce is a horrible thing and I know from experience, has deep effects on more than just the two people involved -- it reaches out through those that love them. It's good you are letting yourself work through these feelings. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Anonymous said...

so sorry to hear what you all are going through. just wanted you to know that bax and i are praying for you (and your fam).
love you!

Doug and Lori said...

Sarah- I have been thinking of you a lot this week. Wish I could give you a huge hug and cry with you!
Love ya,

Anonymous said...

How I wish we could be there to just sit and grieve with you. We are seeing too much divorce for people our age. I cannot believe how close it has hit you guys again.
Say your vows to each other again and committ your marriage to the Lord, the only one who can sustain us through all that may come.
May the Lord truly fill in the painful gaps and wounds with Himself.
We love you guys! It was great to see Josh this weekend, even for just one hour.
Glen + Kristine

Michael and Mandy said...

When I was in seminary our family went through the same thing with my brother. I remember feeling like if I cried any harder I would die from it. I am sorry. Praying the creation you are in this week is bringing some healing through the One who created it.

Anonymous said...

Praying. Joanie