Tuesday, March 05, 2013

I won't even pretend

I know it's been almost a year.  It's really a shame.  And I'm sorry.  But then again, I'm not.  

So here are a few things I've been thinking about lately: some more significant than others, but not in a particular order.

1.  Having 3 children has been a challenge for me.  But I think it is mostly due to the fact that babies are my least favorite life-stage.  I don't like it.  Am I thankful I can carry my own babies?  Absolutely.  And I am sad for those who spend years trying and still have not conceived.  I am very thankful for my offspring.  I am just quite stretched and exhausted at this phase in my life.  I do hope I can be an encouragement to young moms in the future who struggle with having children of this age.

2.  In spite of my #1, I am reveling in these words from Mumford & Sons: 
"So love the one you hold, 
And I will be your gold, 
To have and to hold."

3.  I think I often am seeking to find a reason to justify my significance in this world.  I am just often seeking that in all the wrong places.  

4.  I really love the age of 7.  Huntleigh continues to surprise me daily.  It makes me encouraged that all the time I have spent nurturing and shaping her is not for naught.

5.  The age of 5 is a bit harder for me.  I sometimes wish I had a mute button for Lucy.  

6.  I will not express in truest form how I feel about the age of 1.  Instead, I will pour myself a glass of wine. 

7.  I just admitted last night that I feel as though I have cooked dinner if I bought a rotisserie chicken for my family on any given night and put some rolls in the oven.  Don't judge.

8.  I went to a concert with Josh last week.  We are really getting old.  

9.  I think so much of living life well is about learning to mourn all of its losses.  Losses come in myriad forms, from small to large.  And fleshing out those losses with words: angry words, tragic words, desperate words, healing words.  I want to push through our natural inclination to stuff our sorries in a sack.  I want my kids to know they can live redemptively.  This is a process, in which I do not profess to be an expert, but Josh and I certainly do try and try and try again.  

10.  I have begun about 10 different blog posts since my last one, right before we went to Hong Kong in May of 2012.  I have obviously posted none of them.  There is no concise way to talk about that trip.    We made it back safely and have begun another year of travel.  Just two notes:  Our kids were hardly even fazed by a 14+ hour flight.  Lucy really wants to go back to try shark fin soup (pretty sure it's illegal in the States) because she wasn't brave enough when we were there.  I told her it might be awhile.  

Just a little celebration craziness at my parents' 40th wedding anniversary party.  I love this picture.  I find it to be kind of a funny social experiment.  

This was the girls' school valentine card this year.  Priceless.  

And my baby's first birthday.  She had a bit of a black eye under her left eye.  But, I think, still beautiful as ever.  She has been the most amazing addition to our family.  


Hannah Bo Nanna said...

Love your post!


Lori said...

Loved your realness Sarah! Refreshing! I definitely resonate with #9!

Kim D. said...

Glad to see you back!

Keresa said...

Your honesty makes me beyond happy! Your not alone in this journey of being a mom : ) Totally agree about babies...not my strong point.